Sunday, April 17, 2011
I don't want much. I simply want a best friend. Where did all my friends go? Lost. Now i'm alone. I'm alone yet I still want to hide. I want to find some place safe and stay there forever. One month down, five to go. How do you find a best friend? I never was any good at keeping friends and now I'm back to zero. How fun would that be, to have someone who loves me.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Who am I anymore? The person who has shaped and molded me has disappeared and let me go, he didn't like who he made, perhaps. I am standing on my own. I'm back to trying to imagine who I want to be, where I want to go in life. Limitless possibilities is just too much for me to understand. Right now, I want to give up. I will live to a medium potential, maybe take a step down, and call that a life. It seems safer. Why try for something difficult when all that gives me is pain. Without my best friend's hand to hold, I doubt I am even capable of anything. It took me 6 months last time he broke my heart, here's to September.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I want to create a list. A list of countries. The top being the country I most want to visit going down to the country I least want to visit. I already picked my top five, but now that I am making a concrete list I might want to change my mind. But once I write it down I must stick with it. I will be torn on whether I want to re-visit a country I've already visited. I am hoping to use this list as something to work on when I just can't look at another nursing book and I can still feel productive. And this headline has gotten me super excited.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Life is happening. It is scary how out of control we are. Today my life seems like it is dragging me along. Jen, one of my best friends, is in Thailand for two years. Riley, my only brother, leaves for South Korea tonight for one year, or longer. I talked to him for the last time today. I have to feel happy that people get to experience new things and enrich other people's lives as they have my own. The small amount of people I know is getting smaller.
Monday, July 26, 2010
I will try to blog again. I feel I need someone to talk to, even if no one is listening. My life isn't terribly exciting, but not many are.
My english class I taught was canceled in the beginning of July. I was sad then realized it was a good way to get out. I subbed for a week, but I think I am finished. The whole thing is incredibly frustrating if I really think about it. We had new students every week, there is no continuity. If you teach one thing this week, there won't be anyone next week who remembers and can perform those tasks. Also, one student asked for my phone number and I gave it to him. I did not imagine he would call. But he did. Twice so far. He said "i miss you. i want to see you everyday." That spooked me. Not even my boyfriend wants to see me everyday. He is probably 45 and married with kids. I expect this sort of thing from unmarried Hispanics, but I didn't know about the forwardness of the Somali community. He did have nice things to say about me, that I'm a good teacher and I should do it all the time. But that is probably because he wants to see me everyday. So I'm glad I start school soon and I can concentrate on something that will help me progress in life and bring me to where I need to be.
Until next time.
